The Unfinished Business of Feminism? Motherhood

THE FULL STORY

If it feels to you like women’s rights are currently under siege, you’re not mistaken. Quite simply, they are. The repeal of Roe v. Wade in the U.S., the onslaught of “trad wife” influencers on social media and, as Susan Franceschet, a political scientist and professor at the University of Calgary, reports, in just four years Canada has fallen from 19th to 36th in the global rankings of economic equality between men and women. So, in short, no, it’s not your imagination, and yes, it’s time to dig out your pink pussy hats again. Feminism is needed more than ever—especially when it comes to moms!

We’ve Come a Long Way—But Not Far Enough

The first wave of feminism ran from about the mid-1800s to around 1920 and focused primarily on women’s suffrage. Contrary to what my Gen Z peers at graduate school might think, I was not alive when women got the vote, but I’m very grateful we did. I was around, however, in the 1960s during the second wave led by Betty Friedan, author of The Feminine Mystique, and Gloria Steinem, social-political activist and co-founder of Ms. magazine. This phase, often referred to as the “women’s liberation movement,” continued into the 1980s and included the fight for equal rights, employment rights, equal pay and reproductive freedom. Yes, you can thank these women for many of the rights we enjoy today.

A third wave of feminism occurred in the 1990s and its raison d’être was primarily combatting sexual harassment in the workplace. Feminists at this time also attempted to address the lack of inclusivity of race, gender, class and sexuality prevalent in the first and second waves. We are currently in the midst of a fourth wave of feminism, most notable for the #MeToo movement and its related peaceful protests. This wave not only continues to bring influential men to justice for misconduct, it also seeks to dismantle the systems, policies and institutions that continue to oppress women. It is in this current climate that Dr. Andrea O’Reilly, a professor at York University in Toronto and founder of Motherhood Studies, introduced the term “matricentric feminism.”

Finally, after more than 175 years, mothers are taking a seat at the feminist table.

Why Do We Need a Specific Feminism for Mothers?

O’Reilly says that motherhood is the “unfinished business of feminism.” She argues mothers need their own feminism because “the category of mother is distinct from the category of woman and that many of the problems mothers face—social, economic, political, cultural, psychological and so forth—are specific to women’s role and identity as mothers.” What’s more—even though 80 percent of Canadian women become mothers at some point in their lives—mainstream feminists pretty much ignore us. This is because, according to Leah Williams Veazey, a sociologist at Australia’s University of Sydney, feminists fear that by focusing on motherhood, they will epitomize it, essentialize it and provide ammunition for a conservative agenda. Basically, mainstream feminists believe motherhood is viewed as at odds with the goals of feminism.

Of course, mothers need feminism as much as—if not more than—women with no children. For example, WomanACT shares that, thanks to the “motherhood penalty,” mothers earn less over their lifetimes than fathers or women without children. They quote a recent study, conducted by HR LAW Canada, that finds “Canadian mothers experience a substantial decline in earnings after the birth of their first child, decreasing by 49 percent in the first year with a persistent 34.3 percent reduction even a decade later.” O’Reilly asserts that “although the ‘glass ceiling’ and the ‘sticky floor’ are still found in the workplace, most scholars argue that it is the ‘maternal wall’ that impedes and hinders most women's progress in the workplace today.” Ann Crittenden, financial writer and author of The Price of Motherhood, stresses, "Many childless women under the age of 35 believe that all the feminist battles have been won…But once a woman has a baby, the egalitarian office party is over."

So, What is Matricentric Feminism?

According to O’Reilly, this brand of feminism values mothering, but does not see it as the responsibility of one individual. It challenges the patriarchal institution of motherhood and seeks to implement a maternal identity and practice that actually empowers mothers. It also seeks to correct our society’s child-centredness. O’Reilly argues that “real change for mothers cannot be achieved if it is always defined as for and about children.” Although there is no doubt that when mothers are empowered, their children benefit (as do employers, communities and societies overall), but the well-being of children should not be the sole rationalization for maternal activism. As O’Reilly implores, “Why can we not simply demand that motherhood be made better for mothers themselves?”

Particularly relevant for these times, matricentric feminism sees motherhood as a site of social change, social justice, power and activism. It also understands mothering to be culturally determined across race, class, culture, ethnicity, gender, sexuality, ability, age and geography. This relatively new brand of feminism further understands that motherhood is socially and historically constructed, and is neither natural nor instinctual. No one is born a so-called natural mother—like any other type of work, it takes intelligence, skill and practice.

How to Embrace Matricentric Feminism

Here are seven ways we can work together to embrace matricentric feminism:

1. Share parenting duties equally. All parents in a child’s life should do their fair share and demonstrate that they value their “motherwork” as much as their employed work.

2. Stop being a martyr. Mothers need to say goodbye to the societal guilt that comes with choosing not to sacrifice themselves 24/7. It’s healthy for mothers to think of themselves first—not just once in a while, but often. Remember the directives “put your oxygen mask on first” and “you can’t pour from an empty cup.”

3. Become a parenting advocate. Form community and work groups that advocate for better services, support systems, policies and facilities in support of mothers, parents and families. There is always power in numbers. Look for opportunities to lead the charge.

4. Be a mentor for new mothers. Share your skills, experience and wisdom. Let them know that it’s okay to feel overwhelmed, to ask for (or demand) help and to take breaks. Let them know that they are learning a new skill, and that this takes time. Share some of your own mothering mishaps, triumphs, feelings and learnings.

5. Be part of the village for other women in your life. Someone doesn’t have to be your sister or your best friend to benefit from your help. Offer to babysit, take the baby for a walk or take older children to the park. Drop by with their favourite Starbucks order and stay for a friendly chat. Gift them an Uber Eats or Skip the Dishes gift card. Let them know they are not alone. More than 30 years after the fact, I still talk about the morning my friend Linda dropped off six muffins on her way to work. I remember opening the door, squealing with delight, and running upstairs to my husband. While our infant son slept (finally) in his bassinet, my exhausted husband and I wolfed down all six muffins in one fell swoop! Then, with full hearts and tummies, we napped too.

6. Keep your new mom Friends close. If a friend of yours has just had a baby and you do not have a child, your friend needs you more than ever right now. Call them, text them, visit them and make plans with them. You are a living, breathing reminder of who they were pre-motherhood and who they still are. Talk about anything other than how their breastfeeding is going.

7. Don’t judge. Don’t judge other mothers. Don’t judge yourself. Don’t judge if someone decides to leave or pause their career to care for their children. Don’t judge if someone hires a day and night nanny so they can keep their career. Don’t judge if a father is a stay-at-home dad. Welcome it. More fathers should be.

At the heart of matricentric feminism, we need to remember that motherwork is to be valued and respected regardless of who does it—mothers, fathers, grandparents, aunts, neighbours, nannies, childcare workers, educators, etc. This begins by demanding this respect for yourself and for others. As Adrienne Rich, author of Of Woman Born (perhaps the best feminist book on mothering and motherhood ever written), reminds us, “All human life on the planet is born of woman.” As such, there are more than 8.3 billion reasons why mothers matter and why we all need to be matricentric feminists. What do you think?

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