THE FULL STORY
When one mom’s elaborate Halloween plans fell apart, she discovered that a little less effort could lead to a lot more fun. Here’s why letting go of perfection might be the best treat you give your family this year.
As a mom who loves to be creative and see my daughter, Sarina, happy, I’ve always gone the extra mile to create special events and activities for us as a family. But I became a first-time mom during the pandemic, and in those early days, I felt I wasn’t able to give Sarina everything I wanted to when it came to holiday traditions (I’m sure many of us 2020 moms felt this way). That belief followed me into the first few years of motherhood, until last year life threw me for a loop. The perfectionist holiday mom vibe fell flat on its face last September when I was faced with a serious dip in my physical and mental health after experiencing a miscarriage during a particularly busy work period. Grief combined with hormonal shifts and sheer exhaustion meant that, come early October, Halloween was at the bottom of my list.
I’ve always asked my daughter what she wanted to be and ordered the costume well in advance to make sure she gets to dress up exactly how she pictured. I’m forever encouraging Sarina to ask for what she wants (she’s a bold Aries and I was so shy) and I usually deliver the fun she requests, provided I can manage it budget-wise. She’s never been a kid who likes the typical things you might expect so, as a result, Sarina’s costume requests are often rather specific and sometimes unusual (A.K.A. Walmart or local costume stores aren’t likely to come through). One year, it was a royal blue dinosaur; the year after it was Ghost Spider.
Last year, it happened to be Sophia of Unicorn Academy, a Netflix series that hadn’t really hit popular status yet.
Despite my deep sadness and my stretched-too-thin state, I did my usual online sleuthing for the costume, and I fervently checked stores close by. This time, the only option available was one from the U.S. with a customs fee I was definitely not open to paying. So, I mentioned to Sarina that she would need to pick something else because I couldn’t find what she wanted.
Her response: “Mom, we can make it! All we need is rainbow hair, a gold jacket and purple pants,” she said, with a giant smile on her face. We had always talked about how making things together was more fun anyway.
My brain said, “Absolutely not. I will never have the time or energy for this.”
But my heart (that never wants to disappoint my girl) said, “Um, sure, sweet pea, let me think about it.”
My husband, Raj, who was in the kitchen while we were talking, overheard our conversation and saw the look of sheer exhaustion on my face as I started to search gold moto jackets (horrified at how ugly and expensive they were). “This is going to take a while,” I said out loud as Sarina sat next to me.
“I have a better idea, Sarina,” my husband said. “Why don't we do a family costume this year? You can be Mario, I can be Luigi and Mom can be Princess Peach.”
Sarina’s reaction was priceless: “That’s an amazing idea! I love it, yessssss. Mario is so cool, and Mom can totally be Princess Peach.”
Thirty minutes, a trip through our closets and one Amazon order later, we had our first family Halloween costume ready to roll. All three of us were delighted—we’d never done a group costume before and it took barely any effort to put it all together.
On October 31, since Sarina is an only child (and grandchild and niece), we hosted the grandparents and my sister for a few rounds of trick-or-treating and a pizza dinner. Everyone came dressed up, to add another layer of fun, and Sarina could hardly contain her excitement. It was a core memory for us all.
A year later, the lesson remains. Halloween doesn’t have to be perfect. All our kids ever want is for their favourite people to be as engaged and excited as they are. A perfect holiday has nothing to do with overextending yourself. It's about having fun together. Hilariously, though, this year I found the Sophia of Unicorn Academy costume online and added it to my cart, in keeping with my low-effort outlook on the occasion.
Looking for ideas for family connection this Halloween that don’t require you to overdo it? Here are a few easy (and last-minute!) activities by age:
Baby and toddler: Lay out out some newspaper and break out the paint for pumpkin painting. Pumpkin carving gets more exciting when kids can dig in to help, but when they’re little, you can do fun handprints with washable paint, or give your little one the chance to get tactile with finger paint on the bumpy pumpkin rind.
Preschoolers: Read Halloween story books together from your local library leading up to the night. You can also check out your city or town’s free celebrations. Earlier this month, we teamed up with my cousins’ families and headed to Georgetown for outdoor trick or treating hosted by the municipality. On the big night, check local listings for trunk-or-treating, fun fairs and more.
School-agers: Bake a Halloween dessert. This year, at Sarina’s request, we’re trying pumpkin pie with no expectations on the result. We’re all just here to mix things together in the kitchen.
Tweens and teens: Make costumes together. If they’re still into it, create a family costume, or if the kids would rather do something on their own, hit a thrift store or two to assemble outfits. The key is to have fun without overspending or worrying about perfection.
All ages: End off the night with an age-appropriate Halloween movie paired with popcorn, comfy clothes and at least a few treats from the haul.
