Ditching the Forced “Sorry,” Letting Kids Try Everything and Playing Favourites

What's up this week:

• The after-school phenomenon that explains a lot

• Why kids don’t need to find their passion just yet

• What your baby is actually doing when they drop that spoon (again)

• Navigating the surprisingly complicated politics of kid friendships

• A new rule book for a new generation of grandparents

• What to do when you’re definitely not the favourite

• Why a gritted-teeth “SORRY!” isn’t really the point

Also known as learning when to step in, when to back off and when to just hand over the snack.

Editor, ParentsCanada

Why Some Kids Completely Fall Apart After School

New teacher, new classroom, new expectations, new people to navigate…it’s a lot of change (especially if your kiddo is a kindergartener or changing schools!). So don’t be caught off guard if your child walks through the door after those first few days and completely loses it over something minor—or if those after-school meltdowns continue even after the new-school-year dust has settled. There’s actually a name for this: after-school restraint collapse. Kids can work surprisingly hard to hold themselves together all day, which means home is often where all those pent-up feelings finally come out.

A few things that can make the transition home easier:

• Hold the questions. Give them a chance to decompress.

• Have a snack ready. Hunger makes things worse.

• Let them change gears. Changing clothes, getting outside or having quiet time can help.

• Be careful not to over-schedule. Leave time before after-school extracurriculars.

• Don't rush to fix it. Sometimes kids just need a safe place to let those feelings out.

👉 If this sounds familiar, or if you just want to be prepared, read more about after-school restraint collapse, why it happens and how to help your kid cope.

Believe It or Not, Your Kid Does Not Need to Have a “Thing”

You’ve seen the memes and the merch: Dance kid, hockey kid, theatre kid, horse kid…you name it. And that’s all well and good. But if your child hasn’t figured out what they’re passionate about yet, that’s totally okay. It can make parents nervous—especially when everyone else seems to be posting pictures and videos of their child doing the activity that lights them up. But remember, that anxiety is often more about us, and what we worry we’re not doing as parents, than it is about our kids.

Instead of pushing them to find their one thing, give them room to explore and try a bunch of activities. Who cares if they try curling one winter and puppeteering the next spring, never to return to either again? (If you imagined them as the next Jennifer Jones or Jim Henson, you’re going to have to let those dreams go.) The point is that they tried something new and learned a little more about themselves along the way.

👉 When kids do find an activity they love, there can be a whole new pressure to get serious about it. Here’s what parents need to know as kids’ extracurricular activities become increasingly competitive—and how to keep the fun from getting lost in the process.

Why Babies Are Tiny (and Sometimes Annoying) Scientists

They drop the spoon. You pick it up. They drop it again. You grab it again. Extremely annoying to you, the exhausted parent, but fascinating to developing minds. What you may not realize is that this kind of experimentation is actually crucial to skill building and reasoning. When your little one repeats a behaviour over and over again, they’re trying to work a few things out:

• Cause and effect: If I do this, that happens.

• Object permanence: The thing exists even if I can’t see it.

• Patterning: Certain actions in a certain order get reliable results.

• You: How does my grownup respond when I do things?

If you can just reframe that spoon on the floor as your baby’s brilliance blossoming, it might be slightly less irritating. Maybe.

👉 Check out our guide to first-year milestones to see what your baby is learning and when, from purposeful grasping and movement to language, social skills and more.

The Rules of Grandparenting Are Changing—What You Need to Know

Anecdotally, today’s grandparents are more involved in their grandkids’ lives than ever before—but that doesn’t mean they get to play by the same rules they did when they were raising their own kids. Advice around sleep, feeding and safety has changed; parents may have firm boundaries around everything from treats to social media; and even well-meaning advice can land badly when nobody asked for it. The new grandparenting playbook advises that you ask before assuming, respect the parents’ rules and remember that being an important part of a grandchild’s life doesn’t mean being another parent.

👉 In her new book, What a Big Mouth You Have, Grandma, ParentsCanada’s Grandparenting Unfiltered columnist Kathy Buckworth takes a funny, frank look at modern grandparenting and the sometimes-tricky relationships that come with it.

Warning: The Friend Shuffle Is Coming

A new school year doesn't just rearrange classes and schedules—it can rearrange friendships, too. A best friend ends up in another class, someone finds a new group or a middle-schooler discovers that the lunch-table dynamics have somehow changed overnight (well, over the summer). Friendship shifts are a normal part of growing up, but that doesn't make them hurt any less. The important thing for parents is knowing when to listen, when to offer advice and when ordinary friendship growing pains have become something that needs your help.

Start by asking your kid what they need from you: Do they want to vent, brainstorm what to do next or actually have you step in? Resist the urge to badmouth the other kid (even if you're secretly furious on their behalf) or rush in to fix things. Instead, help them think through their options and remind them that friendships can change without anyone necessarily being the bad guy. But pay attention if the situation starts affecting their mood, sleep or desire to go to school, or if you're seeing repeated exclusion, cruelty or bullying. That's when it may be time for a parent to get involved.

👉 Friendship struggles aren’t the only time it can be tough to know when your kid needs more support. Here’s what parents need to know about supporting teen mental health, including the signs to watch for and when it may be time to seek help.

Your Child Probably Has a Favourite Parent—And That’s Okay

“I want Daddy!” (or Mommy) can land like a tiny emotional grenade, but having a favourite-parent phase is incredibly common, particularly with younger kids. Sometimes it comes down to who does bedtime, who’s around more, who usually says yes to the extra story or who just happens to be the preferred parent right now. And that preference can switch just as quickly.

The best thing you can do? Don’t give it too much weight. Avoid competing for your kid’s affection, bribing your way into favour or making them feel guilty for choosing the other parent. Keep both parents involved in everyday routines, let the preferred parent step back occasionally so the other relationship has room to grow and otherwise carry on as usual. Your kid’s current preference isn’t a ranking of how much they love you—and turning it into a bigger deal than it is can give the whole thing more power than it deserves.

Why You Should Stop Forcing Your Children to Say Sorry

A forced “SORRY” through gritted teeth isn't exactly a master class in empathy. When kids are angry, embarrassed or still convinced they were right, insisting on an immediate apology can turn “sorry” into something they say to get out of trouble rather than something they actually mean. That doesn't mean letting them off the hook when they've hurt someone—it means focusing on repair instead.

Give your kid a chance to calm down, then help them understand what happened and how the other person might be feeling. From there, talk about what they can do to make things right: return the toy they grabbed, help rebuild the block tower they knocked over, check whether their sibling is okay or offer a genuine apology when they're ready. The goal isn't to raise a kid who automatically says the magic word. It's to raise one who understands why making amends matters.

👉 A meaningful apology starts with being able to understand how someone else feels—and that’s a skill kids have to learn. Here are four ways to help your child develop empathy, from talking openly about kindness to modelling compassion in your own everyday interactions.