Can Kids Moderate Their Own Screen Time? Or Is It Asking Too Much?

THE FULL STORY

I grew up in a TV household. It was pretty much always on, and I never really thought much about it. I wasn’t a kid who was glued to the screen because it was there—it was just background hum. I remember going to friends’ houses where television was limited to specific times, but because I was there to build a fort or play Barbies, the absence of TV barely registered (though what I did notice was that other kids would come over and only want to watch television).

As a result, I’m very much a TV adult. I love love love TV. But I can also have it on in the background without really thinking about it. I don’t find it distracting. In fact, if it’s too quiet, I’ll often put something on just for the noise.

My kids are similar. They’ll colour, do LEGO or make jewellery with Netflix playing, or clean their rooms with a movie on and stay completely on task.

But put an iPad or a phone in their hands and all bets are off. YouTube and TikTok (for my high schooler) are massive time sucks. I can say their names at an increasing volume and they won’t hear me.

That’s why we have overall screen-time limits on their devices, along with specific app limits—because if they had unlimited access, they would absolutely become zoned-out zombies for entire days.

But the other day, I saw a social media post claiming some parents are loosening screen-time rules in order to teach their kids “self-moderation.” I paused to consider whether my own kids could regulate that way. I cracked up about ten seconds later. I honestly don’t think they would ever look up from their screens long enough to have a conversation.

Still, it made me wonder. I grew up in a house where TV wasn’t treated like a big deal—and now, it still isn’t. I enjoy it, but I can pull myself away easily. Is that because it wasn’t restricted when I was a kid? Or is it because televisions are fundamentally different from the small, endlessly scrollable screens that even toddlers can navigate with ease?

Or does the answer lie somewhere in between?

This was my mission this week. To find out whether loosening screen limits actually helps kids learn moderation—or whether it just shifts responsibility onto developing brains that aren’t ready for it. To talk it through, I turned to Kate Daley, a parent volunteer with Unplugged Canada, an organization that advocates delaying smartphones until at least age 14, and suggests keeping kids off of social media until a similar age.

Why “Self-Moderation” May Be the Wrong Expectation

The idea behind loosening screen rules sounds reasonable on the surface. Kids will eventually have phones and social media, so shouldn’t we help them learn moderation now?

The problem is, as Daley points out, that self-regulation is a developmental skill. Children’s brains—particularly the parts responsible for impulse control, planning and emotional regulation—are still developing well into adolescence (hell, the prefrontal cortex doesn’t reach full maturity until the age of 25!). So, expecting kids to moderate highly stimulating, algorithm-driven content is a tall order. Especially when you consider the fact that many adults struggle with the same task. (You know you have friends and family members who can’t put their phone down for more than a few minutes at a time.)

Of course, research backs this up. Multiple studies show that excessive screen use in children and teens is associated with increased anxiety, sleep disruption and difficulty concentrating—particularly when use is unsupervised or involves social media and short-form video platforms. Research also emphasizes that younger users are more vulnerable to their scrolling habit becoming compulsive because they lack mature self-regulation systems.

Daley completely agrees and likens to ask to Halloween candy: Most parents wouldn’t dump the Halloween haul out and expect a six-year-old to pace themselves. Screens, she argues, operate on a similar reward loop as sugar—only far more sophisticated and persistent.

Screens Are Not Created Equal—and Kids Feel the Difference

One of the most important takeaways from both research and anecdotal evidence is that “screen time” is not a single category.

A shared TV playing in the background (like my upbringing), a family movie night, a video call with relatives and a solo scroll on TikTok all affect kids differently. Canadian paediatric guidance increasingly recognizes this distinction—especially the fact that interactive, personalized platforms driven by “based on your preferences” algorithms carry a higher risk of overuse than passive, shared viewing experiences.

You have probably witnessed this in your own kids. I know I have. Sure, televisions with a single agreed-upon-by-everyone show can fade into the background, but autoplay, endless scroll and personalized feeds are designed to keep users engaged with minimal effort. The child doesn’t choose the next piece of content—the platform does. (Maybe that’s the real answer: Bring back TV Guide!) The bottom line is, it’s much harder to practice moderation when the system is actively trying to prevent you from doing so.

What Canadian and European Policy is Signalling Right Now

While some parents debate whether to loosen rules, governments are moving in the opposite direction.

Australia has already passed legislation requiring social media platforms to take reasonable steps to prevent children under the age of 16 from accessing their services. And as of this week, Spain has announced plans to introduce similar age-based restrictions, along with stronger age-verification requirements and increased accountability for platforms that expose minors to harmful content.

The message behind these policies is telling: The responsibility is being shifted away from personal (and family) responsibility and onto the systems themselves. That’s how serious this issue is.

The (Sort Of) Middle Ground: Teaching Moderation Without Removing Guardrails

But now the flip side: None of the research or policy changes mean kids should never learn to manage their own screen use. It means moderation needs to be taught deliberately, gradually and with support, and in age-appropriate ways.

“We don’t teach teens to drive by handing them keys and hoping for the best,” Daley says. “We supervise, set limits, explain risks and slowly increase independence.” The same approach can apply to screens.

That might mean enforcing things like these:

• keeping personal devices out of bedrooms at night

• delaying social media even after a phone is introduced

• using app limits as training wheels rather than punishments

• explicitly teaching kids how algorithms work and explaining why stopping is hard

• loosening rules in stages, with clear expectations and the option to reset if things go sideways

Crucially (sorry, parents) it also means modelling the behaviour we want our kids to adopt. Kids don’t differentiate between “work scrolling” and “fun scrolling.” They see divided attention. Moderation, for them, is as much about what we demonstrate.

So is there value in loosening screen-time limits to teach moderation? Possibly (she says hesitantly) but only if loosening doesn’t mean abandoning structure altogether. Moderation isn’t something kids magically absorb through exposure. It’s a skill that needs time, context and rules to develop.

And just in case it isn’t clear by this point, when the technology itself is engineered to override your child’s cues that they’ve had enough, leaving kids to their own devices—literally and figuratively—is setting them up to struggle.

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